I sent a message to a guy today, something like:
I’m going to be through [your town] tomorrow. I’d like to stop and say hi. If that’s OK here’s my phone number so you can call me so I know how to reach you.
Now I am tortured by remorse. I feel like this was a totally inappropriate thing for me to do. He and I have had a couple of exchanges. Friendly enough, but he has put out only road directions and travel advice. He has shown not one spark of interest in meeting me.
I keep telling myself, I left him an easy out. All he has to do is not answer. But this violates one of my strong working principles, of letting myself know what I know. I knew he was not interested, and I was trying to pretend otherwise.
On the other hand, if I had not sent that message, I would be tortured by remorse. I would be calling myself a coward for not even having the guts to send a simple message asking a guy if he wants to meet me.
I would be reminding myself I am trying to break out of the middle-child paradigm. The middle child grows up with no expectations. Unlike the oldest, the middle child never got the attention of being the only one. Unlike the youngest, the middle child never got to be the baby. He just got lost in the shuffle. He lived on hand-me-downs, and learned to make his own fun. And now he doesn’t know how to ask for anything, at least not in any way that’s going to get it for him.
Ain’t no way to win!